


Trust Me (You Didn't)

by Wolvesta



Series: Wolf’s Den of 9-1-1 Stories [12]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Bobby is not nice in this one, But it isn't completely his fault, Diabetes, Established Relationship, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Medication, Missing Medication, Sick Evan "Buck" Buckley, TW: Diabetes, Two Shot, Worried Eddie Diaz, established Buddie, self-projection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:47:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26945422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolvesta/pseuds/Wolvesta
Summary: Prompt:  (established Buddie) Buck ends up getting diabetes because the bombing and the tsunami, damaged his pancreas. He takes insulin but Bobby doesn’t know and thinks he’s shooting up (drugs), and he ends up taking the meds away, which has deadly consequences.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Wolf’s Den of 9-1-1 Stories [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551724
Comments: 34
Kudos: 453





	1. Chapter 1

_It started when Buck told Eddie he has blurry vision._

On the way to the hospital, Buck admitted to extreme bouts of hunger, thirst, and the constant feeling of nausea. Eddie sat and waited nervously as Buck got tested. He didn’t let go of Buck’s hand for a second when the doctor was reading the results.

“After thorough testing, we have determined that your pancreas was severely damaged by everything that’s happened to you in the past year”

“So what does that mean for me?” Buck asks, gripping Eddie’s hand tighter as he’s afraid to hear the results.

“It means that you now have Type 1 Diabetes” Buck finds himself tuning out the rest of what the doctor has to say. It’s always one problem after another with him. And he knows that something was wrong, he was doing so well with Eddie and Chris, that something was bound to happen…he just didn’t expect this.

He feels himself shaking and he feels the tears running down his cheeks, and as he’s always done, he curls into a ball to cry. But before he can, he feels hands on his face, and he blinks to focus on the figure in front of him. Eddie gently wipes the tears away with his thumb, making gentle shushing noises.

“It’s going to be ok…” is the only thing Eddie says before he lets out a soft sob. Buck feels arms wrap around him for a hug, and he’s quick to grip onto Eddie’s shirt like a lifeline. He feels himself shake apart as Eddie desperately holds him together.

“I’m here,” Eddie says softly, and Buck cries harder into his shoulder. He feels himself being grounded as Eddie runs a hand up and down his back while holding his head. He softly kisses the side of Buck’s head. “It’s going to be ok Buck, I promise”

_Buck can’t help but to believe him_

{~}{~}

It was difficult, explaining to Chris that Buck has to take medicine every morning and every night. Chris asked about it when Buck came home from the doctor with pamphlets, and a pouch full of stuff.

“What’s that?” Chris asks, pointing to the pile of vials of liquids and needles. “Are you sick dad?”

“No Chris, I’m not sick,” Eddie says, about to explain.

“Is Buck sick?” Chris asks again in a panicked voice, but Buck is quick to reassure him. He gently steers Chris to the couch and helps him sit.

“Sit here Chris, we’ll tell you ok?” Eddie says and they take a seat next to him.

“Do you remember how after Buck broke his leg, he was sick for a long time during recovery?” Eddie asks and Chris nods silently. “Well even though a long time has passed-“

“I still feel a little sick, so I went to the doctor, and they told me that I have diabetes”

“What’s that?” Chris asks after a second.

“Well for Buck? It means that his body can’t make insulin, which helps you keep your body in balance” Eddie explains as best he can, knowing that Chris will have more questions as he gets older.

“Is that was those are for?” Chris asks, pointing to the needles and bottles again.

“Yea bud, this means that I have to take a shot every morning and every night”

“Is that going to hurt?” Chris asks.

“It’ll be just a pinch, I’ll have to do them myself, but sometimes your dad will give them to me,” Buck says and Chris looks relieved.

“Do you have to take it?”

“I do bud, I need it in order to help me throughout the day”

“Like abuela’s medicine for her hips?”

“Exactly buddy, this will take some getting used to, but we can do this” Chris feels satisfied and leans into Buck, who brings him into his room for bedtime.

Buck sits at the edge off the bed before Eddie comes into the room with the needle filled halfway at 45.

“Ready?” Eddie asks as he flicks the needle, making sure there aren’t any bubbles. Buck silently nods as he rolls up his sleeve, he makes a face of pain when Eddie pinches the skin and inserts the needle into his arm and injects the liquid inside.

“All done Buck” He says before properly disposing of it. Buck puts his sleeve back down and remains where he is. He makes no move to get up and get into bed. After Eddie gave him the insulin, his thinking started to spiral, how is he going to tell Maddie? His team…and Bobby? Buck shudders when he thinks about telling Bobby. The lawsuit was months behind them all, but he can still see the distrust in his eyes from time to time. He then thinks how he’ll have to have an insulin pen at work and-

“Hey…hey, it’s ok Buck. It’s ok baby, look at me, I’m right here” He hears Eddie say, the voice filtering in and out. He feels full-body chills before letting his eyes look up. He sees concern but love written all over Eddie’s face.

“Let’s get into in bed” Gently lifting Buck up from the bed and encouraging him to get under the covers. Eddie pulls Buck in close, pressing kisses into his hair and face. “Where did you go?” Eddie asks and Buck lets out a shuddering breath. He feels Eddie softly caress his face.

“Talk to me amor”

“What am I gonna tell Maddie? Bobby…the team”

“Chim and Hen will understand, and I know Maddie will.” Eddie says, hugging Buck close. “She’ll be worried, and no doubt will tell you everything she knows about it. She probably saw it a lot when she was a nurse”

“She has Lotte to think about…I-I can’t-“

“You have to tell her love, she’ll be mad or devastated that you didn’t tell her. I’ll be right there with you when you tell her. As for Bobby he’ll-“

“I can’t…oh god I-i can’t-“ Buck says as he shoots up in bed, his voice on the edge of panic.

“Breathe babe…just breathe with me ok?” Buck tries and successfully mimics Eddie’s breathing patterns. “Now talk to me…or do you want to wait until the morning?”

“M-morning”

“Ok, come here” Eddie says, patting the area next to him. Buck sighs as he buries himself against Eddie, trying to forget his problems to sleep.

{~}{~}

The next morning brought Buck, who was willing to talk more than last night. He drank his coffee and ate his breakfast after Eddie had given him his morning shot.

“You up to talking now baby?” Eddie asks as they wait for Chris to wake up on a Saturday. Buck nods and explains as best he can what he’s feeling, that if he tells Bobby about what he has, he’s going to bench him, or worse. Eddie sat there and listened to Buck’s explanation.

“Maybe…I’ll tell Hen and Chim, because we’re going to be working together, they’ll need to know what’s going on. I’m going to keep an insulin pen in my locker, and in case I need it, they know where it is in case of an emergency”

“That’s a good idea Buck” Eddie says, squeezing his hand.

“But…I just don’t think I can tell Bobby just yet…maybe not for a while”

“Why?” Eddie asks, not at all judging.

“After…everything, he still doesn’t trust me”

“That’s not-“

“You don’t see it the way I do…I still see him not trusting me…I don’t blame him. Look at everything I’ve to him through even after the lawsuit. I almost outed us when you got buried, when we finally told him about us and he look at me like the trust was gone, when I almost died after Abby’s finance and-“ Buck stops when Eddie places a hand on his face, silently but gently telling him to stop the rambling.

“None of those incidents were your fault baby, but if you really don’t want to tell him, then I’m with you. I won’t tell him either, but we do have to tell the rest of the team…God forbid, but just in case. “ Buck says nothing but hugs Eddie tight, silently thanking him for the support. They break apart when Chris comes into the kitchen, holding a paper.

“Here Buck” Chris says, handing the folder paper to Buck.

“Thanks buddy” Buck says before unfolding it. Buck takes a moment to look at the 4 words on the paper and he smiles widely. He gently places it on the tabletop and gives Chris a big hug.

“Thanks so much, Chris”

“I made you two, one for here and for work”

“And that is why you are a genius, thank you for that kiddo” Buck says as he squeezes Chris one more time before putting him down to make breakfast. Eddie looks at the drawing and smiles at the words and the small heart at the end.

_Don’t forget your medicine_

{~}{~}

Maddie and Hen both cried when they heard the news.

Chim hugged him hard and said that Mrs. Lee has diabetes too, but he doesn’t let go for a moment

Hen pulls up and teaches Buck ways to help him throughout the day

Maddie dives into researching the best type of insulin pens while he holds Lotte

Chim recommends him to get a medical alert bracelet

Eddie is sitting behind him, a hand never leaving his body

Buck feels better and lighter that they are helping him and accepting him

_He doesn’t tell Bobby_

_He tells the Chief instead_

The chief agreed that he was under no obligation to tell the captain if he told his team

_Buck was pretty sure that wasn’t true, but he doesn’t question it_

{~}{~}

_Two months have gone by since Buck got the news, and he still hasn’t talked to Bobby_

_Maybe he should have, because if he did, then maybe he wouldn’t be here_

_Lying on the bathroom floor, unable to call for help_

{~}{~}

Eddie went out on a medical call with Hen and Chim, so it was Buck cleaning the kitchen while Bobby caught up on paperwork. While disinfecting parts of the kitchen, Buck begins to feel dizzy. He assumes it’s because of the scent of the required cleaning supplies. He hopes that it will go away after he puts the sprays away and steps out of the kitchen. But when the feeling doesn’t go away after a while, Buck gets a feeling that his blood sugar may be low. So grabs the glucose meter that is in the ambulance and checks his sugar.

65

He knows that anything below 70 means he has low blood sugar, so he knows he has to grab a drink or food that has fast-acting carbohydrates as well something with glucose. He cleans and put the meter back in the ambulance. He goes to the fridge, but he sees that they are out of gatorade and Bobby refuses for the station to have and sugary drinks like dark colored soda, saying it’s unhealthy for a first responder. Buck sighs as he tries to find some food with high sugar, but there’s none of that either.

He feels his body shaking the longer he goes without replenishing his glucose. He barely makes it down the stairs, using the railings to make sure he doesn’t fall down the stairs. He struggles to put in his locker combination: Lotte’s birthday. When his shaking hands finally get the code right, he goes to grab his medical pouch, only to find it’s gone.

“Wait…I know I grabbed it this morning” Buck says to himself.

“Looking for this?” He hears from the front of the locker room. He looks up and sees an angry looking Bobby, holding his pouch.

“There it is” Buck says, struggling to get up from the bench, but frowns and panics in confusion when Bobby leans back.

“Did you actually think I wouldn’t find out?” Buck’s stomach bottoms out as he feels guilt, sickness, and nausea envelop his body.

“B-bobby…I-I wanted to tell you but-“

“But what?”

“I-I thought you would bench me…b-but everyone else knows-“

“That would be the least of your worries”

“B-but Bobby-“

“No buts” is said harshly, and Buck flinches at the tone. Too familiar with the sound of anger. “I thought you were better than this, I thought that after everything, you would be better than this”

“Wait wha-“ Buck struggles to get out.

“You don’t think I don’t know what a drug addiction looks like?”

_Everything starts to make sense_

“Bobby…it’s not like that-“

“I don’t want to hear your excuses”

“T-they’re not…I-“

“You’re done” The remainder of Buck’s stomach completely flops and his heart _aches._

“W-what?” Buck struggles to ask, his pulse starting to quicken and his whole body starts shaking.

“You put the lives of our team in danger just to feed your addiction. What if someone got hurt because of you?” The words cut Buck like a knife.

“I-it’s not-“

“I thought you trusted me enough to talk to me about this. I’ve been where you are, and it’s a shame that this happened” Bobby says before walking away, the sound of his boots the only thing that echos. Buck’s mind starts to race as his vision begins to blur. Buck knows he’s in trouble if he doesn’t do something soon.

Buck shakily reaches for his phone to SOS Eddie, only to find it missing.

“My phone…I dropped my phone,” Buck says in a childlike fear-induced voice. He tries to think and remembers he last used it in the bathroom. He struggles to stand as the world spin around him. He tries to feel for the entrance of the bathroom. He sees through tears that he’s in front of the men’s bathroom before pushing the door so hard, it bangs on the wall behind him. He sees his phone on the edge of the white sink.

Buck begins to reach for it, but collapses at the last second. It sends his phone to the tile floor with an audible crack.

“No” Buck repeats in a panic, sure enough, his entire phone is cracked. He prays it still works but the screen isn’t responding to his touch. “Oh god…fuck” Buck says in frustration. He tries to stand, but his body isn’t cooperating. Pushing himself to his side, he tries to reach the emergency cord, but his arm falls.

“Eddie…” he whispers in a hoarse voice when he hears the ambulance pull in again. He tries to call again, but he fails to make another sound besides his labored breathing.

He swears he hears the door being thrown open…and he could have sworn he heard his name…but he feels tired, so he closes his eyes to rest.

_Just for a minute_

{~}{~}

Eddie, Hen, and Chim make their way out of the ambulance but stop when they see Bobby pacing around in the loft. They all share a look before texting Athena, unsure if this is good for bad. Athena calls out behind them, already planning to stop in the station after her short shift.

“What is it? Why are we just standing here?” Athena asks in civilian clothes. They all simply point to Bobby, who is still pacing.

“Oh dear…” Athena says before striding forward to see what’s wrong with her husband, the others trailing close behind.

“Bobby?”

“Hi Athena…”

“Talk to us…we’re here for you” they all nod and sit down to listen. Eddie, after a year of dating, automatically goes to reach for Buck’s hand,

_Only to find Buck missing_

“Where’s Buck?” Eddie asks and everyone then sees that their youngest is missing. Eddie then focuses on a familiar blue and green pouch on the kitchen counter. The nagging feeling grows bigger.

“Fuck if I know…” Bobby says and the three first responders share a look of confusion.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Athena asks, spotting the same pouch.

“You all knew?” The same look of realization dawns on all their faces, including Athena.

“He didn’t want to-“ Athena starts, using the same voice to calm a distressed person.

“I don’t care why he hide this from me, I care because you all knew about his addiction and didn’t bother to tell me”

“Wait what?” Eddie shoots up confused, taking out his phone to text Buck. His worry increasing by the second.

“You think he has a drug addiction?” Hen asks in disbelief, panic on her face. She knows what is going to happen if Buck doesn’t get help. She hopes that this doesn’t mean-

“I saw him giving himself on injection yesterday, I know what I saw”

“No you didn’t!” Eddie yells and runs down the stairs to find Buck.

“Bobby…this isn’t what it looks like” Athena says but is cut off.

“You knew too? Did everyone know but me? Do you all think I’m so fragile or that I’m going to relapse or-“

“It’s not about you!” Chim yells and Hen is shocked. She’s seen Chim angry many times, but it’s always silent anger, never vocal. Chim swipes the pouch and puts the vials of liquid on the table before holding it out to Bobby. “This says Humulin N, it’s his insulin”

“W-wait what-“

“He has diabetes Bobby! He’s not an addict-“ whatever Hen was about to say was cut off when they hear the emergency bell go off for the bathroom.

{~}{~}

Eddie calls out Buck’s name as he checks every room in the firehouse. He’s not in the loft, the bunks, the workout rooms, supply closets, nor any of the emergency vehicles. Eddie grips his hair in fear, he doesn’t know where Buck is or if he’s in trouble, which means so much danger for Buck. He then sees he hasn’t checked the bathroom. Without hesitation, he swings the bathroom door and stops when he sees Buck passed out on the floor.

“Oh…oh Buck!” Eddie runs to the other side and tries to shake Buck awake. But he doesn’t respond to his touches. “Buck…no Evan come on” Eddie says as he struggles to lift Buck off of the cold bathroom floor, all his paramedic training goes out the window. “It’s ok baby, come on. We can fix this, just wake up please-“ Eddie sobs as Buck still refuses to wake.

“Help...someone please help us!” Eddie screams but he doubts anyone can hear him. The locker room has 4-inch thick glass, practically soundproof. Eddie then curses himself as he didn’t tell anyone to look with him, so he does the only logical thing. He gently cradles Buck’s head in one hand as he reaches for the red string and pulls it. He pulls it as hard as he can and hope it still works.

Luck is on his side as Hen and Chim burst in through the door and instantly go to work.

_As Buck is put into the ambulance, Eddie doesn’t even spare a glance at the man who may have killed the man he loves_

* * *

Thanks for reading! Feel Free to comment!  
  
Come visit me on my [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/chitownwolf)!

Sorry for the cliffhanger! Chapter 2 should be out soon!

Midterms suck 💔


	2. Chapter 2

_Buck is in a diabetic coma, and Eddie is told his chances of surviving are good..._

But it doesn’t erase the feelings that are coming in tenfold. So, almost 4 hours later, with Christopher spending the day with his tia and Abuela, Eddie can focus on Buck. The doctors are only allowing immediate family, so Eddie lied and said he was Buck’s husband… _soon._ He finds himself apologizing quietly to Buck, for not being there for him, for not finding him faster, for…things that aren’t his fault.

_Deep down he knows that what happened wasn’t his fault, it was B-_

Eddie cut himself off, not wanting to go down that road. He’s been in therapy long enough to know that shifting the blame to someone else won’t help the situation…but this wouldn’t have happened if Bobby gave Buck a chance to explain. When angry or frustrated, Bobby never lets someone explain their side until later.

He sniffs as he wipes another wave of tears away, now unashamed of them. He doesn’t let go of Buck’s hand for even a second, hoping for a squeeze or some kind of acknowledgment. But nothing has come yet, so he keeping the hold on the hand and keeping stroking Buck’s hair and face. Trying to reassure Buck that he’s there, hoping that it can reach him in his deep sleep.

“I’m here…wake up sweetheart, we can deal with everything else later…just _please_ wake up for me” Eddie sobs out quietly, he sniffs before kissing Buck on the forehead. Wiping it off when a few teardrop land on his forehead.

_“You did this! You fucking did this!”_

Eddie gets startled by the loud voice coming from down the hallway. He instinctively puts an arm in front of Buck and around his head to pull him close, ready to protect him from whoever is screaming. When he sees there is no immediate danger, he gently puts Buck back onto the bed, pulling the blanket higher. He sighs as he leans his head against his fist, watching Buck.

_He wonders what all the commotion is down the hall as he feels himself drift to sleep…_

{~}{~}

“How did this happen?” Maddie quietly demands after she coming into the hospital waiting room. She sees how everyone tenses at this. She also sees how Chim’s eyes shift to Bobby, who looks withdrawn and is sitting away from everyone. Even Athena looks mad about something, but Maddie isn’t sure what. She has a feeling though, that it has to do with her brother.

“Athena? Do you know what happened?” Maddie asks, already knowing that she knows what happened. She assumes that the others are afraid to speak up about what happened, so she turns to the only person who has a way of explaining. Athena was about to explain when Bobby cleared his throat.

“I-it was my fault Maddie...” Bobby said hesitantly and that leaves Maddie on edge.

“How?” Maddie quietly demands. Bobby sighs as he explains what went down. Everyone is tense as Bobby stutters through his explanation, they’ve never seen him so nervous until now. When he’s done, there’s only silence as everyone tries to see what Maddie is going to say. They expect a lot of things, but they don’t expect is Maddie to nod then turn away. She stands eerily still as she takes deep breathes.

_Bobby makes the mistake of approaching her_

“Maddie?” Bobby asks and steps back in surprise when Maddie hits him in the chest with her closed fist.

“You did this! You fucking did this!” Maddie screams as she hits him again. And while Maddie knows it won’t hurt, she can’t stop herself. She doesn’t see how everyone in the waiting room is staring at them, she doesn’t care.

“Maddie I-“

“You misbegotten son of a leper’s donkey, you almost killed my brother! You didn’t even give him a chance to explain!” Chim looks around and sees that everyone is staring at them and sees that the nurses are talking to the security guard, pointing to them.

“Nothing to see here, just a very protective big sister, move along” Chim sighs as he goes to Maddie, bends down to wrap his arms around her midsection, and picks her up. She keeps yelling and screaming at Bobby as she’s put over Chim’s shoulders to be taken outside.

“I didn’t mean it, Maddie...I just thought-“

“You didn’t think! You were self-projecting! You don’t know Evan at all! I hope you-“ the automatic doors close on the couple before everyone goes back to their business.

“My question is why Buck went for his insulin pouch…as type 1 diabetic, he would need something to raise his blood sugar,” Hen says to Chim as she fiddles with the medical pouch. She took it with them to show the staff at the hospital, but they gave it back. She unzips the pouch that reads SHBC and looks through its contents, hoping to find an answer. She sees the usual stuff, alcohol wipes, the insulin pen, extra needles etc. She feels something abnormal in the pouch before trying to search for it.

{~}{~}

“When is he gonna wake up dad?” Chris asks on the third day, sighing as he grips the hospital gown tighter, cuddling into Buck’s side.

“I don’t know buddy, the doctors say he needs to rest for his body to heal”

“I miss him…”

“I miss him too” Eddie says honestly, rubbing and kissing the top of Christopher’s head.

“What happened dad?” Eddie sighs internally before he tries to explain as best he can.

“Buck needed to replenish his blood sugar, but the station didn’t have anything with sugar.”

“He could have gotten his medicine bag” Eddie knows Chris means his insulin pouch.

“Buddy, when someone’s blood sugar goes low, they need glucose or sugar to get the levels high. Insulin would only lower it”

“I know that…Buck told me one night” Chris sits up and reaches for the pouch at his bedside.

“Then you know he doesn’t need his medicine bag” Eddie says but Chris shakes his head. He fiddles with the pouch, Eddie can’t see what he’s doing. Chris then holds up a bag.

“I gave these to him, in case he needed them. Carla told me what he may need as a snack in case he needs to higher his sugar” Eddie takes the bag from Chris and sees there is a mixture of items. Some skittles, raisins, dried fruit, a bag of fruit snack gummies and Starbursts. The small bag is labeled:

_For Sugar Emergencies_

“I made it for him” Chris says before lying back down beside Buck. Eddie feels himself tearing up this, once again wondering how he ended up with the smartest and sweetest son in the world. Eddie now knows why Buck went for the insulin pouch…for emergencies.

{~}{~}

He knows where he is before even opening his eyes, having been in here more often than not. He groans as he rubs his eyes, feeling the IV in his right hand. He feels a weight on his chest before opening his eyes and sees that it’s Eddie’s hand

_He looks exhausted_

Buck observes, the bags under his eyes, and it looks like he hasn’t been eating much. Buck slowly reaches out and places his hand on Eddie’s face. Buck smiles when he sees him relax and lean into the touch. He groans as he leans forward to place a kiss on Eddie’s forehead, who sighs in his sleep. Keeping his hand on Eddie’s face, he feels himself fall asleep again.

{~}{~}

When Buck comes back around, he hears a small gasp from next to him. He blinks his eyes open and sees Eddie standing at the entrance of the room. Buck can see tears welling up in his eyes, and he feels his heart pang.

“Eddie…” Buck says in a tired voice.

“Oh my…hi baby” Eddie says as he makes his way slowly over to where Buck is. He shakily reaches over to place a hand on Buck’s face, who leans into the touch before placing a soft kiss on the hand. He hears Eddie’s breathe hitch as he plops down in the chair next to him.

“It’s ok Eddie” Buck says, knowing exactly what Eddie wants but is afraid to ask for. Eddie sighs before wrapping himself around Buck as much as he can.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry-“ Eddie sobs as Buck gently shushes him. Eddie sniffs before peppering Buck’s face with kisses before apologizing again.

“Eddie why are you sorry? This isn’t your fault” Buck says, holding Eddie tighter.

“For not finding you faster…I looked everywhere but I couldn’t-“

“You found me…it’s ok love, you found me” Buck reassures softly, and yet again when Eddie shakes his head. “I’m ok because of you”

“I missed you so much” Eddie says as he pulls back. Buck smiles as he wipes away the tears with his thumb.

“I missed you too”

“You woke up when I was sleeping…I’m sorry. I know how much you hate waking up alone-“

“I didn’t wake up alone, you were right here next to me. You look tired my love”

“I’m ok now…you’re awake” Eddie says before cupping Buck’s face to kiss him, who kisses back. They pull back after a moment, and Eddie leans his forehead against Buck for a few seconds.

“I need to go get the doctor…I’ll be right back” Buck nods as he squeezes Eddie’s hand.

{~}{~}

“You were right…” Buck says after the doctor leaves, and Eddie looks at him in confusion but then gets the message.

“It’s ok cariño, we don’t need to talk about that right now. You just need to focus on getting better ok?” Eddie says as he squeezes Buck’s hand while running his thumb over it.

“I was going to tell him”

“I know baby”

“The day it happened…I was going to tell him. But then I felt my sugar go low. I was going to get my insulin pouch-“

“Chris told me”

“He did?”

“He told me how Carla and he made you a small bag of sweets in case your sugar goes low”

“That’s why I panicked when Bobby took the bag away” Buck says but regrets it when he sees the look of anger on his face.

“He shouldn’t have done that” Eddie says in quiet anger.

“I should have told him-“ Buck gets cut off when Eddie gently grips his neck.

“This isn’t your fault…it absolutely isn’t your fault. Bobby has no right…none to take your medicine away.”

“He’s right” they hear from the door and they see Maddie standing in the door with Lotte in her sling and Chris coming in behind her.

“Buck!” Chris lights up when he sees Buck awake. Eddie carefully helps Chris into the bed, avoiding the IV.

“Hi Superman” Buck says as he hugs Chris close.

“Hi Buck” Maddie says as she gives him a side hug, balancing Lotte in her other arm.

“How’s my favorite niece?” Buck asks as Maddie places Lotte in Buck’s free arm, the other wrapped around Chris.

“Wondering where her favorite uncle is” Buck smiles as he places a kiss in both Lotte’s and Chris’ hair. Maddie takes a seat in the chair on the other side of Buck’s bed. He feels his other arm grow heavy, and he sees that Chris is falling asleep, so Eddie brings the blanket higher to tuck Chris in. Lotte begins to cry but stops when Maddie takes her back to breastfeed, Buck passing her a pillow to support Lotte on.

“Buck…you’re the one in the hospital, we should be the ones taking care of you,” Maddie says when Buck wraps a blanket around her sleeveless arms, who shivers at the coldness of the room.

“I’m ok now…I know it was bad, but I’m ok because of Eddie. He found me” Buck says, squeezing Eddie’s hand in reassurance. “This would have been avoided if-“

“-If Bobby hadn’t taken away your pouch,” Eddie says with a tone of finality, and Buck can’t find it hard to argue when they Maddie agrees.

“I wasn’t trying to get my insulin, I was trying to get my snack bag”

“Snack bag?” Maddie asks in confusion. Buck shows her where the hidden snack bag is in his insulin pouch. She nods in clarification after he opens it for her to snack on some raisins.

“What are you gonna do now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you going to go back to work?” Maddie asks and Buck is confused.

“Not right now…first I have to get out of this hospital”

“I meant when you’re better dummy,” Maddie says as she flicks Buck in the forehead.

“Well yea…a-am I not supposed to?” Buck asks and Eddie sighs.

“Of course you can go back to work amor, but…”

“Eddie…just say it, it’s ok” Buck encourages softly, but he can see the hesitation. Buck looks over to Maddie with a look and catches it instantly.

“I’m going to go check in with your doctor, then I’ll see about getting you something to eat,” Maddie says, carefully putting Lotte back in the sling. She squeezes Buck’s arm before leaving the room.

“I-I don’t…please just hear me out” Buck nods as he grabs Eddie’s hands to lace them together.

“I don’t know if I feel comfortable with you going back to work with Bobby as captain…” Eddie says after taking a moment to sort through his thoughts. Buck takes a moment to process the information and then nods.

“Ok…I understand”

“Y-you do?”

“To be honest…I don’t feel completely comfortable either. Ever since…everything that happened this past year…the trust is gone”

“Buck-“

“It was gone when he told me he was the reason I couldn’t go back to work. H-he just blindsided me when he told me…I thought he was my friend…or at least cared about me. I was wrong” Buck says as he sniffs, wiping the tear with the bad of his hand. “But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still work with him. He’s always been there for you and-“ Buck gets cut off when Eddie wraps him in a hug.

“He almost took you away from us…” Eddie says into Buck’s neck.

“Babe…”

“He hurt you…I don’t care if he’s been nothing but nice to me. He almost killed you…”

“We can figure it out together my love,” Buck says as he pulls back but Eddie doesn’t let go.

“Not yet” Eddie says and Buck nods before tightening his hug.

{~}{~}

“Do you need anything amor? Want me to pick something up? Food? Snack? Anything?”

“I’m fine Eddie, I promise” He looks to Chris. “You have a good day at school for me ok bud?”

“Wanna stay with you” Chris says and Buck really has a hard time saying no, but he has to. Chris pulls back and Buck’s heart breaks when he sees tears in Chris’ eyes.

“Oh kiddo, what’s the matter?” Buck asks as he hands Chris a tissue.

“Don’t want you to go away again” Chris says as he wipes his eyes.

“I won’t away again Chris, I promise”

“Still wanna stay”

“Hey, tomorrow is Saturday, which means you can spend ALL day with me tomorrow”

“And dad too?” Chris asks, looking less sad.

“Yes, I’ll be here too buddy” Eddie promises as well.

“Ok” Chris says before detaching himself from Buck. He smiles when Buck places a kiss in his hair.

“Love you mi chamaco”

“Love you too pops”

“Please go get your backpack Chris, I’ll meet you by the door ok?” Chris nods before grabbing his crutches and going to his room.

“You sure you don’t need anything?” Eddie asks again.

“I’m ok babe, promise”

“Not even those vegan blueberry muffins from the Middle Eastern bakery near the school?” Eddie asks and smirks when he sees Buck’s face light up. He can never resist those treats.

“Ok I’ll take 1 or 2” Eddie laughs before he hears Chris come back in.

“Bye Buck” Chris says, standing by the door.

“Bye kiddo. I’ll pick you up after school ok?”

“Be back soon amor” Eddie says, cupping Buck’s face to give him a kiss.

“Ok, be safe” Buck says as he waves bye to Chris from the back seat. Buck shuts the door and goes about catching up on house chores that they haven’t been able to do.

He’s halfway done when he hears a knock at the door. Assuming Eddie has his hands full, he opens the door without even checking the peephole.

“Forget your keys again babe?” Buck asks as he opens the door. He doesn’t find Eddie on the other side.

It’s Bobby

“Hi Buck” Bobby says nervously.

“What are you doing here?” Buck asks, not beating around the bush. And he can see the hidden devastation on Bobby’s face, but he can’t bring himself to care.

“I-um, I just wanted to see you”

“You didn’t come to see me in the hospital...”

“I-um didn’t think you’d want to see me” Buck nods at this, but he still doesn’t let Bobby in. He looks down, unsure where to go from here.

“Y-you probably hate me--” he starts.

“I don’t hate you...I just don’t trust you anymore” Buck says honestly, done withholding anything back to spare Bobby’s feelings.

“I-I know...t-that’s perfectly fine. I just want you to know how sorry I am”

“For what exactly? For taking away my meds? My snacks will prevent me from going into Hypoglycemia? For not trusting me enough to _just ask_? Or for almost killing me?!” Buck is panting by the time he is done. He can see the tears threatening to fall out of Bobby’s eye, and if the circumstances were different, then Buck would have felt bad. And would have jumped up to help him...but now he can’t.

“All of it really…y-you have to know how sorry I am”

“I know how sorry you are, but I’m not going to forgive you just because you said sorry. Maybe one time I would have but…I don’t think I’m seeking your approval anymore” Buck says without changing expression, and it makes Bobby cringe in guilt. He never thought he’d hear those words from Buck.

“ I understand…but can I ask something?” Bobby asks, taking a step back and sits on the porch steps. Buck sighs before sitting a few feet away from him. Buck could feel the hurt radiating off of Bobby at the distance.

“What?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bobby asks and Buck knew that this question was coming. “Is it because you didn’t trust me?”

“Yes” Buck says bluntly and Bobby has to suppress the flinch. “After everything that’s happened…I was afraid to give you another reason to bench me. So I went to the chief instead, he processed the paperwork”

“T-the chief knew?” Bobby asks hesitantly, knowing full well he messed up.

“Yea they did. They told me that because I filled out the proper paperwork, gave them my medical records to ensure that I was taking my meds and people on the team knew, then I didn’t have to tell you. I didn’t want to tell you because you might have blown things out of proportions-“

“Which is what I did…” Buck nods but then looks away.

“The chief called me…says I’m in trouble”

“I didn’t tell anyone” Buck says instantly, not knowing this information.

“I know…but I wouldn’t blame you if you did. I’m under another investigation…”

“I didn’t tell anyone Bobby”

“Ok, but I’m glad someone did. What I did? I-it was-“

“Self-projection?”

“Yea…Maddie said those exact words”

“I-it took me a long time to think about why someone I thought was my friend would do something like that. Holding me back and even now…but after talking with my therapist? I know that it was just self-projection. I just wish you trusted me enough”

“I do-“

“No you don’t, because you would have asked me about it. Everyone that’s not in our group asked, and I didn’t mind explaining it. You could have just asked…”

“I know…”

“The day…it happened, I was going to tell you, but I ran low on sugar, so I tried to find something to eat or drink. But there was nothing, so Went to my med bag to get a snack but-“

“I took that away”

“I thought I was going to die…I thought I was going to die and all I thought about was why couldn’t you just let me explain”

“Athena says I lose my common sense when I get too angry or concerned about you”

“Why me? What the hell is so special about me?” Buck asks, getting up from the stairs.

“You’re like a son to me Buck and I-“

“You have a funny way of showing it”

“I-I’m sorry”

“Sorry can’t fix things anymore…” Bobby nods solemnly as he looks down again.

“A-are you coming back to work?”

“Yes…but it’s going to be different. I’m still working at the 118, but I’m taking Shift B”

“That’s…under Captain Didio?”

“I still want to work…but I can’t work under you right now…not after everything. I-I just can’t”

“I understand Buck…”

“Eddie is switching to the same shift” Bobby looks shocked at this.

“Wherever I go, he goes with me”

“Is he ok with that?”

“It was my idea” says a voice from in front of them. Eddie is standing in front of them with a white bag, looking in between them.

“Oh” Bobby says after a moment.

“You ok?” Eddie asks in concern and Buck nods.

“You go inside, I’ll be there soon.” Eddie looks like he wants to protest, but he nods nonetheless.

“Coffee?”

“Yes please” Eddie throws one last look at Bobby before going inside.

“Do you think one day you’ll come back to work under me?” Bobby asks and it hurts to see the hesitation.

“I don’t know…maybe one day, but that day is not today”

“I know it won’t be easy, but I’ll do anything for you to trust me again”

“Ok…I’ll see you later Bobby” Buck says, sending a tense smile to him as he walks back into the house. Bobby wants to keep talking about this, he doesn’t want to leave without clearing the air…but Buck dismissed him.

_He has no one to blame but himself._

{~}{~}

The moment the door shuts, Buck lets out a sob. He reaches his arms out blindly before he’s engulfed in a hug from Eddie.

“I’m here” Eddie says softly in Buck’s ear.

“Edd-ie” Buck sobs out. He’s gently pushed against the wall, Eddie still hugging him tightly.

“I know…I know, it’s ok to cry” Eddie says as he softly kisses Buck on his temple. “Just let it out”

“I feel so stupid for crying”

“You set a boundary…remember what the therapist said?”

“That _it’s ok that I set a boundary_ …”

“And?” Eddie gently encourages.

“ _And that I’m not responsible for the reactions of others_ ” Buck breathes out heavily. It’s been something they’ve been working on together, getting Buck comfortable to set boundaries because they were constantly broken in his unstable house.

“I’m so proud of you” Eddie says sincerely, it’s been hard for Buck to say that, but he’s happy that he’s working on it.

“I-I think I’m going to panic” Buck says as his breathing begins to get faster. Eddie immediately lets go of Buck, but keeps his hands on Buck’s face. Knowing that this is one way to keep Buck grounded.

“Remember your breathing exercises?” Eddie asks and Buck nods as he rehearses them in a familiar sense.

“D-distract me” Buck says and Eddie knows what to do.

“Tell me all the odd numbers that have an E in them” Eddie says and he can see it works.

“All the odd numbers have E…one…three…five, seven, nine” Buck keeps going until he hits fifty-one, wiping the faded tear tracks.

“Do you think you can tell me what happened?”

“I set a boundary and it kinda freaked me out cause I’ve never done that before” Buck says, sighing as he leans into Eddie again.

“I’m so proud of you…and I’m so glad you stood up for yourself”

“Thank you…” Buck says, burying his face in Eddie’s neck.

“What did he want?” Eddie asks, and Buck can hears the tenseness in his voice, but he explains anyway.

“Maybe one day I’ll work under him again…but not now. I-“ Buck shakes his head but sighs when Eddie quietly encourages him. “I don’t feel safe around him right now”

“That’s fair, but I’m still so sorry”

“”It’s ok. Someday…maybe things will be different”

“Someday” Eddie agrees before pulling back, leaning up to firmly kiss Buck. “Someday” he whispers against his lips before breaking it, smiling at the starstruck look Buck always seems to have after they kiss.

“So what’s in the bag?”

“Your favorite” Buck smiles in delight but frowns when he reaches for the bag. “Take your insulin, by the time you’re done, coffee will be ready” Buck nods before doing just that, soon they are eating their muffins and having their morning coffee. The scene is domestic and it used to be scary to Buck, but now it’s not. He feels safe in a home with someone who trusts him.

“What are you thinking about?” Eddie asks and Buck smiles through his mug.

“I’m thinking about how lucky I am to be with someone who trusts me completely”

“You’ve never given me any reason not to. Plus I remember this one thing my dad told me… _If there’s not trust in a relationship, no matter what, then you have nothing_ ”

“Smart man…he didn’t trust me” Eddie reaches over to grip Buck’s hand.

“That’s not on you amor, it’s not” Buck sighs but nods anyway, going back to his pastry.

“It’ll take me a bit to believe that”

“Can you trust me to remind you when you forget?”

“I trust you completely”

_And Buck meant it_

* * *

Thanks for reading! Feel Free to comment!

Come visit me on my [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/chitownwolf)!

Thank you for being patient with me, I had to take a mental health week. 

Also thank you to everyone who provided information about T1 Diabetes! I tried my best to be accurate, but I am not perfect.

Read all about [Diabetes.](https://medlineplus.gov/diabetes.html#:~:text=Diabetes%20is%20a%20disease%20in,body%20does%20not%20make%20insulin.)


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